Nina Blythe
English 101
March 20,2011
The Miracle Woman
A tall, thin, happy, energetic woman with a bob haircut stood in front of me in my pre-calculus class senior year. Her name was Mrs. Kelley and she was a miracle. “What a beautiful prayer that was today” she said as her eyes filled with tears. “It reminds me that if you have faith and you believe you can do it you will!” she paused, and then went on to tell us she had three brain tumors and all three cancerous. “I remember the first time I went in for surgery I waited with my husband and remember thinking to myself I can do this, I can do this. They called me to an elevator to go upstairs to the operation room as I went in the elevator with a few other people I remember getting very nervous. And as soon as I stepped out of the elevator I thought to myself ‘Paula what are you doing’. I was running towards the door, when a security guard stopped me and said ‘Ma’am where do you think you’re going?’ I started to break down. I told him I can’t do this I need to get out of here I can’t do it! ‘Yes you can’ he said ‘you need to’. He walked me down the hall to my room where I waited, the doctor came in and the next thing I knew I was awake and my husband was with me.” She was sobbing as she told us her story, and I remember thinking she was one of the bravest people I had ever met. She survived three large brain tumors when doctors told her there was a good chance she could come out not knowing a thing, unable to recognize people, or being unable to move and feel parts of her body. “I worked through it all I prayed every day and went to church every Sunday, and I do believe god helped me through all this. How am I lucky enough to survive 3 brain tumors and come out completely fine when doctors said I would be like a vegetable?” She smiled and looked at all of us and said “Never take your lives for granted and always be the best you can be because one day it will all be worth it.” Those words stayed with me, and I’ll never forget the huge impact Mrs. Kelley had on my life. She was great teacher and an excellent person I hope to be as optimistic and caring as she is.
Peer Review Reading Journal
ReplyDeleteReviewer’s Name: Krystal Bettencourt
Date: 3/22/12
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Nina Blythe the miracle woman
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
This assignment is asking for the writer to have a sharp lead that will engage the reader’s attention. To have an interpretive thesis and a body that contains a logical development of facts and ideas about subject. Your conclusion should leave a strong and final impression for your reader. You must be sharp and relevant with physical description on your observation. You should use quotations from your interview. There should be a brief story on your subject and it should be factual information.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
I think Nina me most of the expectations. When I started to read this story I was hooked write away because I can relate to this story very well because my grandfather had cancer and the doctors said that he might not make it and all these things but he made it. One part that I like is “It reminds me that if you have faith and you believe you can do it you will!” because this is what I told my grandfather, when he was having doubts about have his surgery to remove his cancer. Also like how she has Mrs. Kelley saying “I remember the first time I went in for surgery I waited with my husband and remember thinking to myself I can do this, I can do this. They called me to an elevator to go upstairs to the operation room as I went in the elevator with a few other people I remember getting very nervous. And as soon as I stepped out of the elevator I thought to myself ‘Paula what are you doing’. I was running towards the door, when a security guard stopped me and said ‘Ma’am where do you think you’re going?” because this tells a story.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
I think you should separate your story for example you should have an introduction then your story then a conclusion. But instead you just have one big paragraph. Also I don’t think this falls in-between 500-700 words.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
I think you should try to make it into more than just one big paragraph.